


If I Lose Myself Tonight (It'll Be You and I)

by midnightrambles



Series: If You Could Be (My Saviour) [3]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:57:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightrambles/pseuds/midnightrambles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three weeks to his birthday, Jeff’s mom asks him what kind of cake he wants. The obvious answer would be chocolate covered Eric but he doesn’t voice that out loud, not when he hasn’t really shared too many details about Eric to anyone in his family (even his sisters. They aren’t too happy about that). He knows he should, wants to even but he and Eric haven’t discussed it yet. Jeff knows they have to tell Jared first, some fucking how but they are avoiding it, putting in on the back burner until it is completely necessary. </p><p>In the end, he tells her chocolate mousse - because it’s his favourite and he’s allowed to indulge a little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Lose Myself Tonight (It'll Be You and I)

Three weeks to his birthday, Jeff’s mom asks him what kind of cake he wants. The obvious answer would be chocolate covered Eric but he doesn’t voice that out loud, not when he hasn’t really shared too many details about Eric to anyone in his family (even his sisters. They aren’t too happy about that). He knows he should, wants to even but he and Eric haven’t discussed it yet. Jeff knows they have to tell Jared first, some fucking how but they are avoiding it, putting in on the back burner until it is completely necessary. 

In the end, he tells her chocolate mousse - because it’s his favourite and he’s allowed to indulge a little.

*

On the first of May, Jeff hurries from school to Eric’s new place, not stopping home to drop his bag off. Eric’s place - a one bedroom apartment - is near the car shop he works at so it isn’t too far from Jeff’s usual path home. As soon as he reaches the building, he breathes in, one hand reaches out to smooth his hair while the other pulls at the lapels of his coat. He waits to be buzzed up but Eric comes down to let him in instead.

“Hey,” Eric greets with a smile as he pulls him in for a hug, his lips grazing the edge of his ear. When Jeff pulls away, he goes to kiss him but Eric slides a hand up to his neck and holds him in place. “A few of my friends are here and Jared will be here in about half an hour or so.”

Jeff frowns but still leans into the touch. “Well, duh. I had to wait until he invited me to help.” He's still a little grumpy about that: he had to oh so subtly nudge Jared into asking him to help Eric move in.

Eric rubs the skin behind his ear gently with his thumb. “We just... Do you want to tell Jared today? We can.” His eyes are soft, lips curled in a shy smile. “Cam knows about you already.”

Although he hasn’t met him yet, Jeff is scared shitless of Cam, a friend of Eric’s from his UNC days. From all the stories Eric has shared, Cam sounds protective and intense, not to mention years older than Jeff (which means he wouldn’t think twice about kicking his ass if anything goes wrong). 

“Uh, okay?” Jeff bites his lip. “We’re not telling Jared yet though. I, uh.” He pauses to look away. “Not ready yet, you know?”

The fingers on his skin tighten slightly, forcing Jeff to look up. Eric is smiling sweetly down at him.

“Whenever you want.” He ducks down quickly to press his lips against Jeff’s, nothing but chaste and it warms Jeff completely.

Together, they head up to his apartment on the eleventh floor, a comfortable silence between them. When they open the door, Jeff is greeted by a lot more chaos than he thought there would be. 

“About fucking time, Staal! Where’s your toolbox?”

And suddenly Jeff is no longer sure about the whole thing. Should he even be here? He’s just a stupid seventeen year old who thinks he actually has a chance with Eric - Eric who is twenty two, has finished university, has his own apartment, and -

“Over by the TV, dipshit,” Eric says, cutting off Jeff's train of thought. “Oh hey, this is Jeff. He’s... uh-”

He doesn’t know why he does it. Really. He would much rather have slithered away yet instead Jeff steps forward and put on his best smile (his mom calls it his on ice performance smile). “I’m Jared’s friend.”

Two of Eric’s friends don’t question it, just smile back and ask him how it’s going before talking about something else altogether. One however stares daggers into him and Jared has finally met Cam. 

Jeff does his best to avoid him for the rest of the day. 

Most of the boxes and furniture has been brought in already - all that is left is unpacking and rearranging. So Jeff does his best to help, to fit in and hang out in the back at the same time, taking in Eric in his element. There’s a constant smile on his face as he jokes with his friends, failing to put together a cabinet for the TV until Cam hip-checks him out of the way. It’s a whole new side of Eric and Jeff likes it.

Jared eventually shows up, grinning at all of Eric’s friends before slugging Jeff in the arm. 

“You could have waited for me, fucker!”

Although it doesn’t hurt at all, Jeff makes a show out of rubbing his arm where Jared punches him, all the while pouting. 

“Be nice to me. After all I am helping out _your_ brother.”

Okay, maybe it isn’t the best thing to say but Jeff thinks it’s harmless until someone snorts. When he looks over, Cam is smirking at him. Jeff quickly looks away, hoping he’s not blushing too much. 

“Anyway, I didn’t want to wait until you were done with practice. You take too long.”

Jared shrugs before hauling him by the arm to the kitchen area to the boxes that line the walls. It’s a pretty spacious apartment despite it being only a one bedroom. It has an open floor plan, the kitchen melting into the living room - large enough to host about ten people comfortably.  
Naturally, that is when the party suggestion is thrown out there.

“So when’s the housewarming, Staaler?” One of Eric’s friends, Dylan, asks while they set up the living room with furniture and set the TV and gaming systems. 

Eric frowns. “Didn’t really think about it.”

His other friend, Kevin, makes a disappointing sound. “Lame! That’s the first thing you think about when you get a new place, dude. How about this Friday? We can have people here in no time.”

Throwing his head back slightly, Eric lets out a booming laugh. “Let’s not get me kicked out the same week I move in.”

“Come on,” Kevin goads. “It’ll be awesome. I know a guy who knows a guy who can hook up a keg for cheap.”

“I’m coming to that,” Jared says quickly, grinning when Eric looks over to him with a glare. 

“Ugh, fine,” Eric relents with a sigh. “But you guys are planning it. Just make sure there aren’t that many people. And nothing too crazy.”

They all sound their agreement but everyone knows it’s going to end up the exact opposite. 

-

They order pizza for dinner because it’s cheap, convenient and doesn’t involve unpacking the dishes just yet (which Jared and Jeff end up doing anyway while the other three set up Eric’s bed in his room). Cam, Dylan and Kevin beg off soon afterward but Eric doesn’t mind. Most of the important things are done anyway and all that remains is the attention to detail, putting away things and decorating. 

So Jeff and Jared stack the dishes Eric’s mom bought him in his cupboard, chatting away about idle high school gossip when Eric walks up to them.

“You guys should probably go home too. I think we’re done for the most part,” he says with a tired smile on his face. “Jared, do you mind throwing out the pizza boxes before you go?”

Jared fakes a put on sigh before he picks up the empty boxes. “Where is it?” 

“Down on the seventh floor. That cool?”

“Fine as long as you tell Mom I’m coming to your party on Friday.”

Now it’s Eric’s turn to sound put on. “I should have not let you guys talk me into that. Okay fine.”

Jared smirks before he leaves with greasy pizza boxes in hand. 

It doesn’t take more than fifteen seconds to have Eric close the space between his body and Jeff’s. He kisses him immediately, his lips pressing until Jeff opens up for him. Fingers slide into Jeff’s hair, pulling his head back slightly, just enough that he feels Eric’s smile against his lips.

“Hi.”

Jeff lets out a huff of laughter. “Hi.”

“You didn’t mind meeting my friends, right?”

“Of course not,” Jeff whispers before kissing him again. He loves it when Eric gets desperate with his kisses (because that’s the only thing he’s willing to do right now - which is downright annoying but Jeff will take what he can get). He wraps a hand around Eric’s middle, pressing in just an inch closer but he hears slight moan and it’s enough. 

Eric bites his bottom lip, kissing him soundly one last time before pulling away regrettably. “Good.” He slides his fingers against Jeff’s jaw, his thumb rubbing lightly along the line of his lips. Jeff presses into the touch. “I’m sorry that I said… that I introduced you as Jared’s friend.”

Making an annoyed sound, Jeff opens up his lips and bites down gently on Eric’s thumb, his teeth scraping sensitive skin. “Technically I am the one who said that. You know it’s fine.” He wants to reach up for another kiss but a pounding to the door has them both jumping.

“Open the door, you fucker! I wanna go home now.”

Eric sighs before moving away from Jeff to get the door. If Jared notices anything weird he doesn’t mention it. Instead he steps inside, stops next to Jeff and slugs in him the arm. 

“Ready to go? I still got that Socials essay to finish for tomorrow,” Jared makes a face before moving out of the way when Jeff tries to hit him back.

When they both shuffle towards the door, Jeff behind Jared, Jeff reaches out to brush his fingers lightly against the back of Eric’s hand, sharing a private smile.

“You both better be here early on Friday to help out with the party then,” Eric says, his eyes on Jeff before they move to his brother. “No beer if you don’t help.”

Jared groans. “Ugh, fine. You are the worst brother ever.” 

Jeff lets Jared walk out before he throws a wink over his shoulder.

*

There isn’t much to think about: Eric invited him so Jeff is going. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t fret over the party. He wants nothing more than to spend as much time as possible with Eric but to be in a room full of Eric’s friends - hell and Jared for that matter - and to pretend like he doesn’t know how it feels to kiss him, to be held by Eric’s tight grip is going to grate at him the entire night. But it’s not like he has much a choice because he wouldn’t miss this for the world.

So Jeff does what he does best - panics over what to wear, doing three outfit changes before deciding on a fitting white v-neck t-shirt, dark wash jeans and a grey zip-up hoody. The hardest decision was hat or no hat but in the end he forgoes it, opting to run his fingers through his hair a few times instead. When he deems himself presentable (okay, maybe even a little hot), Jeff grabs his keys, says his byes to his family before leaving to meet Jared so they can walk to Eric’s together. 

When Eric opens the door, wearing a red t-shirt and a smile, Jeff blinks, biting down on his tongue. It’s going to be a long fucking night 

-

The party is surprisingly tame. There’s about a total of twenty people with a keg and enough hard liquor to last them for days. Music plays in the background (currently some RCHP), conversation flowing easy. Most of Eric’s friends are friendly people and there’s either a Mario Kart or Beer Pong tournament about to start. Maybe both.

Jeff wouldn’t say he has been sticking close to Jared but he doesn’t know the crowd as well as Jared does. So, with a beer consistently in his hand (he’s on his third of the night), he stands behind Jared, laughs at the appropriate moments when someone cracks a joke. He is enjoying himself but his eyes are constantly seeking out a different Staal.

“Looking for Eric?”

Jeff whips his head around at the voice. Cam stands behind him, arms crossed, holding a drink that is most definitely not beer. 

“Nah, just hanging out.”

Cam snorts, his eyes narrowing. “What’s your story, kid?”

The words make Jeff’s stomach drop, his throat tightening. He starts to answer when Eric bounds up to them, his smile wide and blinding.

“Jeff! Cam!”

It doesn’t take long for Jeff to realize Eric’s drunk but it just makes him that much more adorable. Eric throws an arm around both Jeff and Cam, pulling them in tight.

“Having fun?”

Jeff laughs, suddenly feeling the most relaxed he has been since everyone showed up. “Yeah, Eric. You?”

Eric turns his head to face him, eyes bright, smile matching. “Yeah! This was a great idea.”

Cam pulls away. “Have fun cleaning in the morning.”

Eric smacks him in the arm, mock glaring. “Come on, Cammy. I’ll make you breakfast if you come by tomorrow and help.”

“Why don’t you ask Jeff? He’ll be here in the morning, right?”

It could be taken as harmless, as Cam just asking an innocent question but Jeff hears it in the tone of his voice, the way his eyes flash something dangerous. 

Eric groans, pulling Jeff closer to him but it looks nothing out the ordinary, just drunken shenanigans. He brings his lips close to Jeff’s ear. “You wanna?”

“Uh, yeah, my cue to leave,” Cam says as he happily (or broodily) shuffles away. 

“Eric…” Jeff’s voice sticks in his throat. His skin feels hot where Eric is touching him, the beers he has had settling in his system. “I… I want to -”

“Then stay.”

Jeff pulls away just a little, enough to put some distance between their bodies but they are still touching. “I’m staying at your parents place. Jared… What would I tell him?”

Eric makes a face. “Cockblocked by my youngest brother. Who knew?” He mutters. Eric looks up and stares at Jeff for a moment, cheeks red, eyes heavy with intoxication and something electric. It makes Jeff blush, like he knows what Eric’s thinking, what Eric wants. “You know where my room is, yeah?”

Jeff nods, not trusting his voice right now.

“Meet me there in five minutes.”

Eric steps away with a last squeeze to his shoulder, the touch lingering and it makes Jeff crave for more.

So Jeff hovers for the next five minutes; he gets a drink (vodka and juice this time), goes to watch where Jared and one of Eric’s friends are playing an intense game of beer pong and does his best to not keep looking down at his watch. 

It’s not easy.

But then five minutes come and go and Jeff slowly makes his way to Eric’s bedroom, eyes darting to see if anyone is looking at him funny. When he deems it clear, Jeff slips inside, rubbing his palms against the rough material of his jeans. He walks over to the dresser that lines the wall where a picture of smiling mini Staals greets him. It must have been taken years ago during the summer at the lake; Eric looks no older than twelve at the most with Jared by his side and their other brothers as well. 

He must have zoned out because he doesn’t hear Eric enter the room and jumps when a hand lands on the back of his neck. Jeff turns into him, head tilting up, eyes flickering to his lips. 

“Jeff…” Eric whispers. He reaches past Jeff to put something down before his hands are on him, fingers pressing into his skin gently. It’s no surprise when he has his lips against Jeff’s and Jeff can’t help but lean into him. He has been waiting for this all night. 

Finger slide into Jeff’s hair, rubbing the nape of his neck before plunging into the dark locks. Jeff moans against Eric’s lips, desperation flooding his senses, dizzy from the alcohol and Eric's kisses. Jeff drops his own hands to Eric’s hips and presses their lower halves together. It earns him a moans from Eric before he bites down on Jeff’s bottom lip.

“Fuck, Jeff,” Eric breathes out into his mouth. It makes Jeff shiver. “I want to fuck you so bad.” Jeff lets out a sound in agreement, needy and desperate. Eric brings a hand up to his collarbones, trailing his fingers over the soft skin peeking out of Jeff’s v-neck. “Ever since you got here tonight.” Lips work along his jaw until Eric’s licking Jeff’s earlobe. “Wanna kiss you everywhere.”

“Eric,” Jeff lets out a low moan. He’s hard, no question about it and he wants everything Eric is willing to give him. Suddenly he is spun so his back hits the dresser, Eric flushed against his front. Jeff tilts his hip forward, seeking more friction. But then fingers dig into his skin - not hard but enough to make him stop. Lips still against his, heavy breaths hot against his upper lip and chin.

“Everyone’s still here, aren’t they?” Eric sighs like he already knows the answer. He brings their foreheads together, Jeff’s eyes slipping close. 

“Yeah,” Jeff supplies unnecessarily.

“Fuck.”

They don’t let go however but their kisses do slow down, desperation simmering. Jeff’s still hard and can Eric is too but there isn’t anything they can do about it. Well, not what Eric wants to do to Jeff anyway.

When they part, smoothing each other’s clothes out, Eric pats Jeff’s cheek twice before murmuring, “You’re gorgeous,” loving the way Jeff’s skin flushes under his fingers. 

*

The weekend of Jeff’s eighteenth birthday finally comes - a long weekend (thank you Queen Victoria!). His birthday is on Friday and somehow Jeff convinces his parents to let him stay at Jared’s for weekend - which of course he isn’t. Jeff is staying at Eric’s but no one knows that. Jared thinks Jeff is going away for the weekend with his family and Jeff is praying it doesn’t blow up in his face.

He plans it so he has dinner with his family on his birthday (and cake because cake is important) before leaving to Eric’s later that evening. He promises his mom he won’t do anything stupid that weekend (everyone knows seniors spend May Long getting utterly wasted because it’s the last long weekend of the school year for them and duh, how else are you supposed to celebrate stepping into adulthood?) and that he will keep his phone on at all times (which he plans to do because if his mom ends up calling Jared… well that will end badly for everyone). 

Dinner is amazing, with every dish he absolutely loves and because he has the best family ever he gets even better presents (skates from his parents because his old ones are wearing out, clothes, books and money from his sisters and brother). When it’s all said and done, he almost doesn’t want to leave. 

Almost. (But then he remembers where he is going, where he going to spend the next three nights and his dick twitches a little.)

Around eight o’clock in the evening when food has been consumed, candles been blown out and dishes been cleared, Jeff picks up his packed bag and makes his way over to Eric’s place, anticipation, want, excitement and nervousness pooled together in the pit of his stomach. They haven’t discussed much of what they will be doing this weekend but then again Jeff hopes there won’t be much talking happening anyway.

After getting buzzed in, Jeff makes his way up to Eric’s floor, nervousness making itself more prominent. The door to Eric’s apartment is opened marginally so Jeff takes a deep breath before entering.

Eric’s washing the dishes, standing there in grey t-shirt and black jeans. Looking very much so in his element. And Jeff wants him so fucking much.

Something makes Eric turn around - perhaps the door squeaked - and they stare at each other, a smile slowly forming on Eric’s lips. He quickly turns off the tap and wipes his hands on a dish towel before walking up to Jeff, takes his bag from him and kisses him deeply, fingers of his free hand wrap around Jeff’s middle. 

“Hey,” he whispers against Jeff’s lips. “Happy birthday.”

Jeff lets out a laugh before kissing Eric again. “Thank you.”

He lets Eric pull him around the apartment, trailing behind him as Eric puts his bag into his room (for some odd reason the gesture gives Jeff butterflies) before settling onto the couch with Eric and playoff hockey (it’s Rangers/Bruins so neither one of them are truly invested). They keep conversation to a minimum and light. Eric every so often turns to Jeff and kisses him. It’s sweet and makes Jeff feel warm.

“Give me a sec, okay?”

Jeff nods as he lets Eric peel himself away, settling into the spot he vacates. It may be teams Jeff is not emotionally invested in but it’s still playoff hockey and his eyes don’t want to look away just yet.

Minutes later Jeff hears the soft sound of feet padding on carpet so he straightens up on the couch and sees Eric carrying a small cake with candles on it. 

“Uh… Happy birthday, Jeffy.” He grins at him but it’s a little shy and Jeff’s heart clenches a little. Eric places the cake on the table in front of him and slides next to Jeff once again.

“Did you really put eighteen candles on that?”

Eric laughs, reaching out to ruffle Jeff’s hair. “Just make a wish before it’s too late.”

And he does.

Eric pulls out the candles once they’re out then just forgoes civility and digs his fingers into the cake. He brings a little piece up to Jeff’s lips, his eyes dropping to watch before he brings them up to meet Jeff’s. 

The air between them has definitely changed. 

Jeff opens his lips slightly, just enough for his tongue to dart out and swipe a bit of the cake and a lot of Eric’s fingers. Eric lets out a low moan and it spurns Jeff to take the rest of the proffered cake into his mouth, fingers along with it. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing exactly but Jeff starts to roll his tongue around Eric’s fingers, licking along soft skin before biting lightly. 

“Jeff,” is all the warning he gets before Eric has him pinned against the couch, his fingers replaced with his mouth as he kisses Jeff feverishly. He seeks out Jeff’s taste amongst the sugar and chocolate, chasing his tongue. It’s overwhelming yet not enough all at once. So Jeff reaches out with shaky fingers and slips them under the hem of Eric’s shirt, pressing him closer before stroking his skin.

He doesn’t know what to expect, doesn’t know what he wants except _everything_ but Jeff isn’t the type to just sit back and let things happen. Instead he bites down on Eric’s bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue, his fingers dipping low pass the waistband of Eric’s jeans. It earns him a moan and Eric presses even closer, close enough for Jeff to feel the outline of Eric’s hardened cock. With one hand, Jeff slides it down to grip him lightly through his jeans. Eric pulls away, breathing hard against his lips.

“Jeff…” 

Eric’s eyes are heady with want and it makes Jeff gut clench, knowing he’s the reason. 

“Do you want to?”

It’s so stupid that it makes Jeff laugh. “Of course I do.” He kisses Eric’s chin. “You know I want to.”

Eric doesn’t say anything else, just leans in for one more kiss before separating their bodies completely except for a loose grip on Jeff’s wrist as he pulls him up from the couch. As he trails Eric’s steps, Jeff tries to relax, to not have the freak out that threatens his nerves. He wanted this. Wants this.

They stop at the foot of Eric’s bed and Eric turns to Jeff, offering a small smile before he begins to silently and slowly undress Jeff. The breath in Jeff’s throat hitches when Eric presses his palms flat against his stomach, sliding them up slowly and pushing off his shirt in the process. Once it’s completely off, Eric dips his head and traces the line of Jeff’s collarbone with his lips, his fingers now sliding along the waistband of his jeans. He pops open the button and drags down the zipper. 

Jeff takes in a deep breath once, twice before he covers Eric’s hands with his and together they push away his jeans, letting it pool around his feet. Standing in front of Eric in nothing but his boxers, Jeff feels like he should be more embarrassed as Eric is still fully clothed but he doesn’t. He feels hot, like his skin is stretched thin, like he knows Eric’s eyes are roam every inch of him. 

Taking his hand, Eric leads him to the bed and gently pushes him back to recline against the pillow, straddling Jeff’s thighs. Eric leans down and presses a kiss against the shell of his ear.

“What do you want, birthday boy?”

He knows what Eric is doing and he appreciates it. Jeff lets out a laugh, the tension he was holding within his body slowly leaving as well. Jeff reaches up with a hand and turns Eric’s head so they are looking each other in the eyes. 

“You. Everything.”

Eric’s eyes narrow and Jeff shivers. All he sees is Eric’s utter want for him and it makes him dizzy. 

“You want to fuck me?”

All of Jeff’s ability to speak gets trapped in his throat so the only sound that escapes him is embarrassing. 

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

God damnit, Eric. Jeff bodily shivers, his eyes closing before whipping open when Eric’s fingers grip his jaw lightly. Eric won’t let him look away.

Eric cocks an eyebrow, as if asking _‘so’_?

“T-the second one.”

“Say it, Jeff.”

“Fuck…” Jeff takes in a deep breath, his eyes quickly shifting before meeting Eric’s again. “Fuck me, Eric.”

It’s like something snaps. Eric’s on him in an instant, lips crushed together, fingers pushing the flimsy material of Jeff’s boxers away. Jeff moans against Eric’s mouth when Eric’s fingers curl around his dick, feeling himself blush when Eric rubs the precome he’s already leaking into the head. 

“Wanna taste you.”

Eric licks at his mouth before trailing down his jaw to his neck, mouthing along warm skin. Jeff slides one hand down Eric’s back, the other clutching the bed sheets, needing to hold onto something. 

White hot want ignites his body even more when Eric laves his tongue flat against Jeff's nipple. He's so close to begging, wants to beg. Well hell, his body already is, the way it seeks out Eric's touches, eager for _more_ , for _everything_. He almost wants to reach for Eric's head and hold in him place to take his pleasure a little more selfishly before pushing Eric down to what he really wants. But Jeff won't, can’t because he’s still too young, too inexperienced. What if he offends Eric or does something that turns Eric off? 

And really, that’s what worries him. He knows he’s inexperienced. Hell, Eric knows he is too; they have discussed it albeit in minor detail. Eric’s list of people he’s been with isn’t huge or anything but he _knows_ what he is doing. Whereas Jeff is just trying to stay afloat. He wants so much yet is afraid of taking it. 

A gentle tug on his nipple jerks him out of his clouding thoughts, pulling a moan from deep within his chest. He looks down at Eric who is staring right back, his eyes edged with slight worry, like he can read Jeff’s thoughts.

“Okay?” Eric asks, softly kissing Jeff’s ribs, making his way slowly down his body. 

“Y-yeah,” Jeff gets out. He focuses on Eric and everything he’s doing to make him feel good - amazing really. “Just… Don’t stop.”

And that’s the correct thing to say because Eric smiles up at him, wide, happy and a bit cocky before he makes a show of licking Jeff’s warm skin, tongue flat and obscene. Groaning, Jeff tilts his head back, his eyes shutting on their own accord. 

“Stay with me, Jeffy,” Eric mouths against his belly button, his hand slowly jacking him off. Jeff can’t keep control of his hips for much longer, forcing himself to not thrust up too much otherwise it’ll all be over before it even begins. 

But it seems like Eric has a different agenda altogether. Picking up the pace a little, Eric trails his lips and tongue down to Jeff’s jutting hip bones, scraping his teeth lightly against it. It makes Jeff jump, his skin over-sensitized. And when Eric finally licks a strip up Jeff’s hard cock, the sound Jeff lets out is on this side of embarrassing. 

Eric seems to love it. “Fuck, Jeff,” is all he gets out before he takes Jeff into his mouth completely. And that’s when Jeff gives up, stops fighting with his body, with his pleasure. He just makes a mental note to (try to) give back as good as he gets when his turn comes. 

Letting go of the sheets, Jeff grasps Eric’s shoulders, plays with the nape of his neck and hair before slipping his fingers in it. However, he doesn’t dare to push, tug or pull which Eric picks up on immediately.

With a long lick from base to head, Eric pulls off, his lips just hovering over the head. He looks up coyly through short lashes, cheeks slightly pink, giving him the perfect debauched look. Reaching with one hand, Eric overs Jeff’s and presses hard so his lips bump against Jeff’s cock, his eyes narrowing in challenge.

“You can, you know.”

It’s all he needs, this permission to let go. And Jeff does. He cants his hips forward, pushing his dick past Eric’s lips, his fingers tightening around soft strands of hair. He feels Eric smiling around him more than he sees it. 

Eric takes his hand back, placing both on Jeff’s hips now, pressing his thumbs in a circular motion against his hip bones, the right pressure to make Jeff whimper. He’s close, been close for a while now but he knows he isn’t going to last much longer. 

But Eric doesn’t want him to. Flattening out his tongue, Eric takes him deeper than Jeff ever thought was possible, his dick nudging the back of throat - and all with ease. And Jeff can’t help it: he thrusts up hard, his fingers impossibly tight in Eric’s hair. He knows it has to hurt but he couldn’t stop himself. Then he’s coming and everything washes out except Eric swallowing around him.

When he comes back to himself, he hears someone whispering _’fuck, fuck, fuck’_ over and over again and it takes Jeff a moment to realize it’s coming from his mouth. His eyes are clenched shut but he can still feel Eric laving at his cock.

“Eric…” He moans and finally Eric relents, pulling off and moving to kiss the insides of Jeff’s thighs instead. It’s nothing but light, butterfly kisses but Jeff’s skin tingles. “Fuck, Eric.”

Eric smiles against his skin, darting his tongue out quickly to give him a lick before moving his lips up to his waist. “Good?”

“Fucking perfect,” Jeff says with a nervous laugh. “I… Can I…?”

He looks up, eyes dangerous again. Eric pushes his body away from Jeff completely, kneeling on the mattress, eyes not leaving Jeff’s though. He slips off his shirt slowly, letting it fall to the floor mindlessly. Jeff swallows thickly when Eric’s chest is bared for _him_. He wants nothing more than to touch. Eric gets up from the bed, turning around so when he pushes his jeans off his hips, Jeff watches the way his ass dimples before he relaxes. 

Jeff feels himself getting hard again already.

Padding around the room, Eric gets something out his drawer before returning to Jeff, dropping a bottle of lubricant onto the mattress and placing a few condoms on the table next to the bed.

Oh.

Eric’s on him again, his hands smoothing down his arms as he leans into kiss Jeff sweetly, like he’s got all the time in the world, like his dick isn’t hard. Jeff doesn’t even think twice about reaching down with one hand to wrap around Eric’s cock. Eric’s breath hitches against his mouth but Jeff doesn’t let go. He’s jerked someone off before but that doesn’t mean it was any good so Eric’s reaction makes him hungry. He wants to make it just as good for Eric as it was for him.

“Jeff,” Eric breathes out, voice harsh already. He reaches down and cuffs Jeff’s wrist with his fingers. “Here, let me show you.” Eric breaks their kiss only for a moment as he reaches of the lube and opens it up to pour a little onto Jeff’s fingers. Carefully, he brings Jeff’s hand to his cock once again and Jeff curls his fingers around him, loving the way it jerks in his grip. “Slow. A little tighter.”

And it’s so fucking hot, the way Eric tells him what to do. So Jeff complies and is rewarded with bruising kiss when he twists his wrist a little (all on his own accord). He does it again. And again. Until Eric’s hips have a rhythm, thrusting up into his tight grip. Jeff’s fully hard again, absolutely loving the way Eric is responding to him. Eric’s body is half covering him, his cock trapped between Jeff’s hand and body so Jeff does the logical thing: he presses his stomach forward and uses it to provide more friction, rubbing Eric’s cock between his stomach and fingers. 

“Fuck,” Eric moans, his hands tight around Jeff’s biceps. He’s thrusting up quicker now, his climax approaching. Jeff senses he should pull away because really, he wants to be fucked and preferably now but Eric holds onto him tighter and he comes against Jeff’s fingers, coating his stomach. When Jeff doesn’t pull his hand away, Eric whimpers before reaching down and tugging Jeff’s wrist away. “Enough,” he says against Jeff’s lips, stilling their kiss. He pulls away to look into Jeff’s eyes. “I want to try something.”

It earns a shiver from Jeff who at this point will agree to anything that has him coming. 

“Yeah… okay. Yes.”

Eric laughs before pecking his lips lightly with another kiss, leaning back. “Here, make yourself comfortable.” He reaches past Jeff to fluff up one pillow while grabby the other and putting it to the side. Jeff scuffles back, reclining against it, looking up suddenly feeling shy. Eric leans down and kisses his stomach reassuringly. 

“Relax. You’ll like this,” he says against Jeff’s skin. Eric pauses to look up. “And if you don’t, just tell me okay?”

Jeff nods dumbly. He doesn’t know why the nervous feeling from earlier has returned but it has. But he doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t dare to. 

Eric kisses his stomach one last time before reaching for Jeff’s thighs and runs a hand gently along them. It helps a little to calm Jeff’s nerve. Once he feels himself relax, his legs are gently pushed apart and Eric kisses the inside of each knee. It’s stupidly sweet and Jeff can’t help but smile. 

Slowly, Eric trails kisses up Jeff’s thigh, alternating between left and right before reaching the crease. Eric flattens out his tongue against the skin there, little kitten licks before he moves his mouth to Jeff’s balls. Jeff groans, his arms feeling weak, propped up on his elbows but he won’t move. He needs to see this. 

Eric places a kiss to his balls before licking around them lightly. He draws them into his mouth and sucks, just enough pressure to get Jeff to kick out. Eric pulls out and laughs, reaching forward to pat Jeff’s rapidly reddening cheeks. 

“You’re not close, are you?”

Jeff shakes his head. “No.” It probably wouldn’t take much but he’s not there. Yet. 

Eric nods to himself before wrapping his hands around Jeff’s thighs and pulls them so his legs are bent at the knee. He settles between them, reaching behind him to get the lube. 

Jeff breathes in deep. He wants this.

Instead of just getting to it however, Eric presses more kisses to Jeff’s skin, skimming his knees and thighs with his lips, like a lingering tease. Jeff squirms, his body wriggling - until Eric slips a hand underneath him to lift him up and then - then it all goes to hell.

Eric’s lips are on him, on his hole, light but it makes Jeff shiver with want.

“Eric… What-”

But Eric cuts him off with a lick, purposeful and careful, like he isn’t sure but damned if he doesn’t try. Jeff’s body arches up, betraying his earlier thoughts of trying to remain calm. Then there’s another and another and another until Eric’s mouth is sure and confident and Jeff feels himself pressing against his tongue. 

“Tell me to stop.”

It takes a moment (or several) for Jeff to understand what Eric means when he realizes Eric is pushing a finger into him, wet with lube. He has never done this before, not even himself and while Eric’s mouth is distracting, it doesn’t take away the fact that the finger feels uncomfortable and intrusive. Jeff shifts his hips a little, effectively getting Eric’s finger deeper.

“Fuck,” Jeff moans, pain not quite pleasure just yet. 

“Jeff,” Eric whispers against his musky skin. “Push back, okay? Push against my finger.”

He listens - of course he does - and though it helps, Jeff still uncomfortable. And somehow Eric can sense it.

So apparently, Eric thinks it’s logical to dip his head again and lick around his own finger. Jeff’s hole quivers, his body tensing but in a completely different way and oddly he feels himself relax enough that Eric’s able to press his finger deep without much discomfort. Now he’s moving his index finger in and out with much more ease than before. Then Eric crooks it and Jeff’s hips jump, pleasure flooding his body.

“ _Fuck_ ” Jeff drawls out, low and suddenly rough and it seems to snap something in Eric who begins to move his finger with more purpose. He finger-fucks him, pace picking up until he feels Jeff is ready for more and when he pushes in a second finger, Eric moves his mouth to Jeff’s balls, tongue flat and flickering. 

And Jeff gives in to the sensation, not caring that he’s moaning so loud Eric’s neighbours have probably heard him by now, not caring that he’s being utterly wanton. He wants this. 

“Jeff… Fuck, look at you.”

Jeff doesn’t realize he closed his eyes so when he opens them he sees that Eric has moved up his body, looking at him with such open want and desire. It sends a spark throughout Jeff’s body. He reaches for Eric shaky hands, his need to touch him outweighing everything else. Jeff manages to get Eric up his body so they kiss, hard but slow, with intent and purpose. Eric doesn’t stop fucking him with his fingers, crooking two perfectly against the spot within Jeff that makes him whimper deep in his throat and against Eric’s lips. 

When Jeff comes this time, it’s without any help, without Eric touching his dick. Instead, it’s when Eric presses down hard with his fingers, once, twice and Jeff rocks his hips upward, a cry ripped out of his throat when he climaxes hard, come pooled against his stomach.

Slowly, Eric strokes his fingers inside him a few more times, no longer seeking to drive Jeff crazy, before pulling them out. He trails wet fingers across Jeff’s balls, up his spent cock, toying with the head gently before dipping one finger into Jeff’s come. Lips still locked in a kiss, Jeff moans against them, too much, too sensitive but Eric doesn’t let him go, not yet. He does however, easy up on the teasing and just kisses him before he can’t avoid the clean up for much longer otherwise they’ll end up sticky and gross (of which they quickly getting to). Eric pulls away, shushing Jeff’s protests with another kiss. 

“Be right back,” he whispers. 

Jeff doesn’t know about his lips but he can feel his entire body smiling. 

-

When he wakes up, it takes a moment for Jeff to realize it’s still pretty early, the sunlight dimly making it’s way through the curtains Eric forgot to lose last night. But he doesn’t mind because Eric’s stroking his ass gently, fingers dipping into the crease before idly drawing patterns across his skin. 

“Morning,” Eric says with a kiss on his forehead. “Okay?” He presses a dry finger without any real pressure against Jeff’s hole. 

Feeling shy, Jeff burrows his head against Eric’s chest, nodding, placing a kiss underneath Eric’s nipple. 

“Do you… wanna?” 

This time when he presses down, Jeff shivers. After Eric cleaned them up last night, they held each other tightly, talked about idle things before falling asleep almost comfortably (Jeff’s a kicker). They didn’t fuck and Jeff wants that to change. 

“ _Yeah_ ,” Jeff breathes out.

Eric reaches out and lifts Jeff’s chin, leans down and kiss him sweetly. “Turn around.”

They shuffle around so Jeff’s back is pressed against Eric’s back, his dick half hard against Jeff’s ass already. Jeff closes his eyes when he hears the telltale snap of the lubricant being opened. He’s not nervous, not anymore and when Eric kisses his shoulder and neck before lifting his thigh and pressing in two fingers, Jeff sighs. 

It hurts a little but nothing like it had initially last night - just a bit of pressure before his body warms up to Eric’s strokes. Jeff’s breath stutters, his hand slowly wrapping around himself.

Fingers retreat and for a moment Jeff doesn’t hear anything except Eric’s steady breaths but he doesn’t open his eyes. Instead he leans further back, earning him an open mouthed kiss on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. The crinkling of a condom wrapper has Jeff’s heart beating a little quicker but he keeps his body calm, his eyes still closed. 

Then there’s a blunt pressure against his ass and Jeff clenches his eyes, teeth biting down on his bottom lip. It hurts. It feels weird. But Eric is going slow, sinking into him inch by inch. He feels huge, too big and for a moment Jeff doesn’t know what he is doing.

“Breathe,” Eric whispers against the shell of his ear and Jeff does - takes a deep breath like he had forgotten what it oxygen is. Eric slips in a little more until he’s completely inside Jeff. 

The first few strokes feel odd, not yet comfortable. Eric slides a hand around Jeff’s middle, fingers soothing his stomach and ribs, drawing nonsensical patterns while his lips kiss the spot behind Jeff’s ear. It feels nice, good - until Eric uses his own knee to spread Jeff’’s legs further. 

Then it’s hot and fucking perfect. Jeff moans when Eric gets a better rhythm going, fucking him earnestly and this is what Jeff wanted, what he craved for the first time he laid eyes on Eric at the auto shop. 

He doesn’t care that he’s pressing his hips back against Eric’s, practically fucking himself on Eric’s dick because if the way Eric groans into his ear, he’s not complaining. Jeff squeezes down on his own cock, his leisure jacking pace now fast and frantic. He’s close. 

“Perfect, Jeff,” Eric praises, voice low and gravelly, his words swelling Jeff’s heart. “Fuck, yes. Fuck yourself on me.”

And that’s it. Jeff’s coming, hips still moving on Eric’s dick, fingers wrapped tight around his dick when he spills on himself. Eric’s fingers spread against his abdomen, pressing tightly trying to hold him in place as he too comes inside Jeff. 

Heavy breaths are the only sounds for a moment, shaky pulls of air in and out of rapidly constricting lungs. Jeff feels Eric petting his skin. It feels nice, soothing. He still feels Eric inside him. That feels nice too - so much so that he makes a whining kind of sound when Eric pulls out.

“Hey, hey,” Eric soothes, his lips against the shell of Jeff’s ear. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Jeff answer, breathy. He wonders if Eric can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Good.”

It’s the last thing anyone says for a while, as they drift in and out of sleep, shifting around each other to kiss lazily.

It’s only Saturday, Jeff realizes. They still have the rest of the weekend. The long weekend.

**Author's Note:**

> Jeff's birthday is May 16th but for this fic is pushed back a little so it falls on the same weekend as Victoria Day long weekend. 
> 
> Title is from One Republic's If I Lose Myself. (Best song atm. Go listen if you haven't heard it yet)
> 
> If I continue this the stories may or may not be in chronological order.


End file.
